~Glimmer of Hope~

What a terrific Tuesday this has been! I am loving this beautiful Spring weather, and if you're here with us in Georgia, you'll know that the quickly passing storms brought us a continuous breeze (more like gusty wind!) throughout the day today....Sailer thought she might just blow away this morning when I walked her into school...lol! Such a funny girl. And, good news! Noah got his cast OFF today! We had no idea that was going to happen....and, contrary to what you'd think, he freaked him out a bit to see his now even skinnier arm (lol) without the protection and security of that bulky yellow cast. Of course, he walked away with a velcro brace to take on/off as he pleases. First thing he said? Oh, great! I can write better now! Bless his heart. In other news...I received the MRI results yesterday, and I am pretty much attached to my crutches and boot at this point. Boo....Hoo. Not fun. But, I gotta allow this stress fracture to heal, and that means 6 weeks of being disciplined about resting and wearing this gear. I have to say...I'm not a very good patient. Normally, I'm like a crazy bee buzzing around my house...from project to project, task to task. Guess we are up for some changes these next few weeks....

And, speaking of changes, there are a few other (huge!) changes in store for our family....and, that is what this post is really about. I'll begin by saying that it should be no surprise to any of you how much I love homeschooling. I'm absolutely an advocate for teaching your own child if you have the motivation and means to do so. We are officially 3/4 of the way through our first homeschooling journey, and it's been a joyful experience all around. There's not been one moment of regret or thinking that I couldn't do it...God has truly given me confidence each step of the way to know that I am presenting and instructing in a way that is vital to Noah's intellectual and spiritual growth. And, having Noah enrolled in a co-op program has been a great rock of support for learning the homeschooling process and pacing lessons....not to mention, it provides an outlet for Noah to meet friends, be instructed and shepherded by Godly individuals that have a heart for homeschoolers. That has been vital to his success this year.....however....over the past few months, there began a slow realization that Noah was not truly happy with co-op....let me paint a picture for you....first of all, this is the first year that Kindergarten aged children have been invited/allowed to attend Noah's co-op school, and from day one, we knew that this was the guinea pig year, if you will. In Noah's class of 8-11 students, there is a range of ages from 4-7. As you can imagine, this presents a great range of skills/abilities to teach....and, from what standpoint? That's tough. And, another consideration is that all parents do not teach with the same intensity and commitment as others, so as the year went on, some children were progressing beautifully, and some were not. I think that this caused Noah to feel disconnected in the class.....I can never be sure, but after talking to him, this is the conclusion I have made. In the class, Noah has one dear, sweet friend that he relates to, and that's IT. This boy is Noah's same age, and they are on the same track with their interests and abilities...so, naturally, this is why they have bonded so easily. I asked Noah the other day about the sweet girls in the class, and quickly said..."Mom, no. Girls are not cool. Only boys!" lol. So, there ya go.

On another note, the flexibility that I was SO seeking via homeschooling was not there....mainly b/c when you attend a co-op, you still have homework (Lots!) and deadlines, and there is a schedule to work around....now, don't get me wrong...I LOVE schedules. I think schedules are a fantastic way of teaching time management and responsibility...I really do. But, I was finding it difficult to fit in everything that was expected, along with the Math lessons that I was instructing solo via A Beka....AND, trying to keep Noah involved in extracurricular activities, Fun Fridays (which seemed nonexistent after awhile), and church activities. Plus, I do have another sweet child, you know:)

So.....as this realization came to fruition, I started to consider homeschooling exclusively...full out via A Beka...on my own. I knew (and I still know) that I can do it...that's never been an issue. And, I know that Noah learns well from me, and often talks about how he LOVES to be with me for school. But, the more I wrestled with this idea....I came upon another dilemma. How in the world would I provide the resources necessary to make school fun and interesting...AND, just how many extracurricular groups and/or clubs could I possibly have Noah involved in to make sure that he builds relationships and other skills??? Because I know myself (and many of you do too!), I know that I would kill myself trying to make sure that he had ALLLLL the available resources. And, I know Noah....and, he needs (and wants) more. Noah is incredibly outgoing....and, I mean that with all of my heart. He reminds me so much of Jason, which means that he could go....and, go....and, go.....and, go. And, he has SO much energy and enthusiasm for life. He LOVES being around others and learning alongside them, and, for that reason, I just could not keep him with me everyday. So....you probably know where I'm headed with this....

We entertained the idea (again) of public school. My feelings about public school have never been bad, per se, but they have been mixed....mainly just the uncertainty of enrolling my child in public school has scared me to death. My main fear revolves around influences. It just terrifies me that my innocent, sweet boy could be influenced by children that are rude or mean....or bullies. I would come unglued if Noah was ever subjected to any of this....but, I, along with Jason, also know that Noah will experience these types of people in his life....whether it be in 1st grade, 3rd, 6th, or later....there's no escaping the evils of this world, and I must trust that the Lord will protect my son, and us, ultimately from this. One verse of scripture that comes to mind is simple...."In you I trust, O God....." Psalm 25:2 (NIV). And, let me say also that my focus on "control" when it comes to my children is a problem....I want to control everything....their environment, what they eat, who they talk to, what time they go to bed, the friends they have, the words they say, the shows they watch on television, the food they eat....my issues with control stem from my great, great LOVE for them, but can I really control their lives? No, I can't....at least, not every single aspect. They have/need to make decisions, and I am to assist, help, and influence their choices based on our family's commitment to the Lord, but it is NOT my responsibility to make choices for them necessarily. We have to trust, really trust the Lord in this...but, we also have to trust Noah...he is such a great, great boy. He knows that he is made for God, and by God, for His purpose....right now, my comfort is found is knowing that the Lord will NEVER forsake us, NEVER leave us, and that He hears our every word...spoken or unspoken. He knows what we need. He knows what Noah needs. He knows what I need as Noah's mother to feel safe and comforted.

About 2 weeks ago, Noah and I took a tour of Varner Elementary, which thankfully is less than 1 mile from our home....I already feel comforted. :) Again, we visited the media center, spoke with several staff members, and luckily, I got to speak directly with the 1st grade counselor. This was nice...she was able to give me some insight into the registration process and 1st grade at Varner. I walked away feeling good...encouraged. Today, we went and officially registered Noah for 1st grade....talk about surreal. But, I'm feeling good....still nervous as ever, but good. I saw Noah's face light up as he walked through such a BIG school...gosh, in his eyes, it must have seemed huge! As we walked though, we heard the laughter of kids playing in the gym and tweets from the parrots in the media center...how cool! Noah loved that... Then, we looked through all of the artwork hanging on the walls outside each classroom....I just imagined seeing Noah's name up there with his artwork, and I felt sick and happy at the same time. Talk about mixed feelings. And, you know what? One of the things that I loved about today? Noah holding my hand so tightly as we walked together...gosh, I am so in love with this boy, and I never want him to change! Friends, I am SO nervous...I really am. Around the same time as our tour one week ago, I spoke to a sweet friend who teaches Kindergarten at Varner, and she really helped in easing my fears about public school....of course, what else would she say? But, seriously, I have to stop second-guessing and take a leap of faith....I see Noah really shining in these classrooms. He is such a technology buff, and they have such awesome equipment, smart-boards, and simulation-type activities for busy minds...and, that's my boy! He would LOVE it, I think. And, I think he will find learning with others his own age to be refreshing. I am starting to see a glimmer of hope....I truly am. The Lord has used this trial as a way to say..."come with me. Abide in me. I will carry you." And, I'm surrendering....I have to. We all do. I heard Vineyard's version of "I Surrender All" yesterday...it reminded me of my childhood....I always loved that song. I still love it....

All to Jesus, I surrender
All to Him I freely give
I will ever love & trust Him
In His presence daily live...

I surrender ALL....

Please pray for us....please. This is difficult...exciting, but difficult. I don't want to let anyone down....I don't want anyone to re-think their decision to homeschool because of anything that I've mentioned here. The Lord has allowed me to minister to and uplift many this year about homeschooling, and if you're one of those people, I want you to know...I meant every single word that I spoke about this amazing adventure. It is a gift to teach your child. It is a joy. We are taking a different route right now, but that does not mean that it will be forever....we do not know the plans that the Lord has in store for us, or for our children. Homeschooling, for us, is a year by year, child by child decision....that's it. I like to have a plan....but, in this case, "my" plan has changed a bit. I pray that I can concentrate more on being humble before the Lord than praying for the Lord to work things out according to what I want....that tough for me...VERY tough.

Please pray specifically that our family will be able to instill in our children the love of Christ so that they can shine in their classrooms, in their circle of friends, and in church. Please pray for wisdom for us all. Please pray for strength and confidence in the Lord. I thank my God each time I think of all of you who pray for us & encourage us. We love you dearly!

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Praise God that we have this promise! And, Praise God that ALL of his promises are true!

~Summer~